i felt overwhelmed with sorrow this weekend, knowing ICE was kidnapping people in LA: fathers and mothers from their children’s elementary school graduations, laborers just waiting for work in a Home Depot parking lot. laying in the dark in my apartment in the middle of downtown LA, within miles or less of these unspeakable acts, I felt my body melting into a huge sense of “what can I do,” sucking away my life energy, like falling back into this empty darkness. I got on my knees on the floor and sobbed, crying out “why?!”. as the hours unfolded into days, I felt so depleted and spent a lot of time in bed. 

then yesterday, on Sunday, I got up, had some coffee, and put on sunscreen to go to the rally at city hall.  I haven’t been to a protest with militarized police before, and though I was unprepared for and scared of getting tear gassed, I figured “worse things are happening.”  when I arrived about thirty minutes after the start time, the street was so full of people it was impossible to see where it ended.  all types of people were there - white guys with american flags, masked indigenous folks with sage chanting in the middle of the street, young guys on motorcycles with mexican flags, old teacher-looking ladies, kids with handmade signs.  my eyes are brimming with tears again as I think back on it.  there’s not a way to make this feeling come through without you going for yourself~

there is no power and beauty and love like the people joining together and standing up for themselves, for ourselves.  it’s this palpable act of “we are all together.” it is an acknowledgement of the fundamental truth that we are all together. and it is so deeply relieving to experience; it is soul medicine. 

the wind and the light of humility rushed into my body.  a sudden and complete reminder that i can show up and i can continue moving toward, healing toward, speaking toward, growing toward, loving toward, learning toward the world i believe in and want to be a part of.  that i am a part of it, in the way i show up now, even when i’m afraid of taking risks, even when i’m unsure what i can give, unsure what level of risk i am prepared for.  that i am the people. the journey is the preparation and when the people rise our courage rises together. we can show up for it and to it and trust the journey. and have love for where we are.  i’m not alone in my numbness and i don’t have to stay stuck there.  and i don’t have to be perfect or have all the answers to just put my shoes on and go. 

i love you.  and text me (Signal or Telegram) if you are in LA and wanna go to future stuff together (360-224-8898).  also reach out if you’re somewhere else and want support finding something to get involved with. you deserve community & the community deserves you. <3